Hate
People on push bikes
People in cars
Ladies in department stores trying on bras
People who fell out with their business partners
Downhill skiers
Uphill gardeners
Welders, your elders
Women called Mandy
Children at bus stops
Mahatma Gandhi
Locked out locksmiths
Tired physicians
The sexually adventurous in various positions
Unable seamen
A man with a wrench
Footballers sat on the substitute’s bench
Butchers, bakers
Movers and shakers
People with beards
Accordion makers
The undead, the inbred
The rich and the poor
The bloke who does the voice on the lottery draw
Vicars in living rooms drinking some tea
Young boys masturbating furiously.
Graham Norton, pregnant mothers
Every single one of your previous lovers
People who can’t ‘go’ in public loos
All thirteen of the Doctor Whos
The bloke in the pub quiz who knows all the answers
The police, and out of work belly dancers
The person who always sits close to the exit
Even the twats who voted for Brexit
The army, the barmy, a mystical swami
The famous, the homeless
Fans of salami
All religions, all races
The people who buy those little pastry cases
The woman in church who plays the organ
All of them
Unequivocally
Hate Piers Morgan.
